Sunday, May 8, 2016
I grasp for words to honor my mom on this Mother's Day. Perhaps only my love and respect for her could chase me out of the recent deep freeze of writer's block. This year seems especially meaningful, as recent events have immersed my mom into the depths of what she defines; nurturing and strength, empathy and selflessness, and foremost her unconditional love, She lights my world even in the darkness of my pain. Our connection strengthens me even when my body fights me from within, cutting me down through the many surgeries, symptoms and procedures.
It's been a very rocky few months with my health, and I've withdrawn from social media. I've been blessed with messages from friends checking in, been on the receiving end of so many prayers and kind thoughts. My mom has done her best to keep friends posted. I've been battling some of the most intense pain I've ever experienced. Many times, the one thing that has gotten me through the day was looking forward to my mom coming home after work. She works so hard, and then comes home and has to watch her daughter suffer. It hurts my heart to see the pain in her eyes, knowing she would take my pain away and combat it herself if she could.
No matter how much I've cried or complained, she's never turned her back on me. Her love has been the blood in my veins. She lights my world with her endless faith, and her hopefulness has no end. She has been the life force in my world. Not to discredit anyone else's support or love during this time, but Mom, YOU have kept me going even when I felt I could not take another step.
Thank you! Thank you for helping me be brave! Thank you for showing me gentle care even when I'm unlovable in my momentary miseries. On top of all my struggles, my heart is always heavy on Mother's Day thinking of my son, whose absence is like a hole in my spirit. Thank you for helping me go on even in my sadness, for reminding me I am a mommy to my precious angel child. Mom, your positive attitude parallels Nana's, your spirituality a reflection of hers. I look at you and see the same inner peace she exuded, and I often see the same twinkle in your eye.You remind me of her daily, and it helps fill the void of her absence. Our three-generation connection goes on.
While I never dreamt of still living with my mom at my age, I honestly could not imagine a better roommate. Between you and I and Zoe and Bella (the dogs), we resemble a bizarre version of "The Golden Girls". If we were to be monitored in our home, we'd likely both be committed for our antics, but even an asylum would be tolerable if I had you by my side. Somehow you help me find the humor in even my hardest moments. Laughter and love are the best medicine, and you surround me with them daily. Thank you for keeping my spirits up even as my body hurts!
I'm feeling lighter, happier times ahead. There are new adventures on the horizon! You are my soul sister and my best friend. Somehow, after all these years, you still manage to make me feel wrapped in your arms, up against your heart like in the picture below. My gratitude for you is topped only by my gratitude to God for gifting me this life as your daughter. Thank you for being my person!
The water runs on....