Thursday, September 18, 2014

Changing Jobs

It has been almost a decade since I was able to work due to my health. While I would love to return to the workplace someday, I've realized how far away I am from those currently seeking jobs.

Most everyone has a skill set, whether or not they get paid and receive benefits for them. Some compete to work in the coolest environments, some to apply their skills, and some, yet, who merely want great offices with the best views. Of course, money speaks volumes regardless of the career.  Even with my BA in Spanish, a good job history and decent skill test, the thing I am sadly best at is being a patient.

This is one of those jobs where, despite the view I have (right now I'm looking down at the Horseshoe), I wish I could be somewhere else. I've done it longer than any other job, I do it better and calmer than the general population, and I've got plenty of scars on my breathing resume to prove my experience. Just like my peers work to earn money, I must spend time in the hospital to earn health. In either situation, it's a matter of survival.

Over the past fifteen years, I've learned to drink contrast without gagging, I've had tubes stuffed up my nose, down my throat, up my bum and been x-rayed and CT scanned so many times that I can probably be seen from planets that have yet to be identified. I can be poked over and over for an IV without screaming or moving, despite the pain.  In fact, I've developed a method whereby I can meditate out of my body, away from the pain and hover there while IVs are placed. I'm waiting for the patent.

More than anything, I know how to play the hospital game. I know that when you're in the most pain, you either won't be due for medicine, the medicine ordered is something you're allergic to despite the fact that you have submitted your allergy list multiple times, or the doctor hasn't ordered anything (even though he told you he would.)  Or a nurse is looking over your med list and begins to tell in a shaming way how awful it is that you're on so much medication! You're stuck in your bed, feeling like an ant with the Wicked Hoe of the Hospital standing over you with evil eyes that pierce your soul.

It can be any combination of unfortunate happenings, but when you're in the hospital for more than two or three days, the hospital literally sucks the life right after you. No matter how nice most of the staff is, it is almost impossible to be in the hospital without getting mind-sucked into the Bermuda Triangle of hospital b.s. This is why I hope to get better so I can get out of this line of work.

I have been affirming my love and gratitude for my body, and making sure God realizes how grateful I am to have come through such a complex surgery. At the rate I'm going, I'm praying the winds blow me in a new direction very soon. Then the world will see the woman who is ready for a new journey.